Family Christmas Letter

  Holidays 2010

 Dear Family and Friends,

 Greetings from the Fogelbergers! We send our best holiday wishes to you from a snow-encased Paradise Valley. The children’s sled marks run down the hillside opposite the driveway, hot chocolate simmers on the stove and bunny tracks criss cross the snow. So do coyote tracks, but no matter.

We seven have had a stellar year. Eunice is enjoying her new workplace for physical therapy and Herbert is growing his home-based computer cleaning business every day. The home fires continue to burn, if not sputter and smoke at times.

Richard is raking in tens of dollars cowboying each month. He acquired a four-year-old gelding as a Christmas gift from his last employer. He looks forward to starting the beast under saddle, once he locates and collects it from the BLM allotment where it jumped the fence and took up unauthorized residence. Ollie got out of jail last year and has retired the Grant County jumpsuit for good – we hope. He is planning to take night classes this fall and earn his AA through an accelerated 12-week program. We are very proud.

Stella Bell has taken up semi-permanent residence in Washington D.C. One of the perks of her new job is a company cell phone, so she calls home quite often. She appears to be enjoying herself, as she is usually hungover or preparing to be hungover when she calls. That’s our lush – I mean Stella Bell. She is busy saving the world by promoting and protesting private property legislation as each bill merits.  She has an apartment near Capitol Hill, a Metro train pass, and regularly attends big-wig political conferences.  More importantly, Stella Bell is doing something few graduates of Jefferson High accomplish: she wears a suit and heels to work every day.   

Nicholas has moved on to a new and different set of sorority girls, or, as he calls it, “transferred schools.” He will be spending the 2010-2011 academic year in Bozeman, Montana, studying agriculture business, local history and freshmen in mini skirts. He is looking forward to broadening his horizons and acquiring a deeper appreciation for culture and fine arts as they apply to keg parties.

Kenneth made the decision to not further his academic career at Golden Valley Community College after his first year. The decision was not particularly difficult; if Kenneth hadn’t made it, the dean surely would have. After a broken back suffered during a violent horse wreck (the horse was uninjured) and a summer-long recuperation period, Kenneth advanced his cowboy career by rez-hopping around Nevada. He day worked for several outfits, carefully saving his wages for fuel and beer to get to his next destination. Always a planner, that one. After a successful tour of the Nevada desert and…desert, Kenneth returned to Paradise Valley, where he immediately totaled his pickup (the cow was injured).

Margaret, our former exchange student from Little Valley, has transitioned from starting colts in her backyard to cowboying in northern Nevada. She has undergone much personal growth and learning. For example, she learned it is very difficult to get your dallies when the steer is running right and your horse is running left. A Mexican’s shouts of “Stop your horse! Stop your horse!” only added to the general ruckus and heightened the overall anxiety.  We fully expect to see her married by next fall, as she is one of one single women in the American Valley. She will be registered at JM Capriola’s.

That’s all our news. I hope you enjoy the holiday season, stay warm, and tell your dear ones you love them. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

 Much love,

The Fogelbergers

 *Names have been changed to protect the innocent, as well as the guilty. 
**This letter is entirely fictional, and any resemblences to actual people is unintentional and coincidental. 
***The above sentence is not true.  At all. 

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