When I was a baby, I had pencil-straight blonde hair. As I grew up, it darkened and curled with glacial sureness, until I was a bonafide brunette who didn’t need a curling iron. It took a while to think of myself as a brunette, though. Some roots run deep.
I once changed a light bulb twice before I realized the lamp wasn’t plugged in. Hmmm, I thought, another bad bulb. We gotta switch brands or something.
My junior year of college, I climbed two flights of stairs and walked down a long hallway to my professor’s office, only to realize I was in the wrong building.
I frequently confuse Betsy Ross with Diana Ross, and therefore remain mute on American history trivia questions.
I have recently outdone myself, though. As a substitute teacher, I sign up for teaching jobs through an online system. While working at a high school last week, the secretary came in and asked if I’d switch my next day of teaching from my assigned music class to special education, since I did such a good job the week before and the teacher had requested me.
“Sure, that’d be great,” I replied. The secretary commented that I’d be there the next two days. I said no, I’d only signed up for one day.
I checked SubFinder online and discovered I had indeed actually signed up for a two-day job. I hadn’t realized that the one-day jobs and multiple-day jobs weren’t given any special differentiation besides carefully reading the start and end dates.
I thought back to the previous week when a student asked me, “Are you going to be our sub all three days?”
“No,” I cheerfully answered, “I’m just here today.”
I re-checked my list of past jobs on SubFinder. Yep, sure as shootin’, I’d signed up for a three-day job the week before. I’d only showed up once.
Mortified, I waited until the color receeded from my face to go into the office and apologize profusely for not appearing for work two days in a row.
The secretary looked at me blankly. “Oh, you weren’t here?” she asked.
I explained my mistake. She said the other teachers never said anything; they must’ve taken the handful of students in that class into their own rooms for the two days.
I don’t show up to school and I get requested by the teacher. I’m not sure whether to be flattered or insulted. As long as the jobs keep coming, I won’t be picky how I got the referral.