Last Friday I decided to take a vacation from trying to be noble. I was fed up with objectively studying myself as a sub, taking feedback from regular teachers, and adjusting my technique only to have a student ask me on Thursday afternoon “Are you going to be here tomorrow?”
I sent him to the office, then sent myself to the Star on Friday to practice my drinking skills. Usually, I’m a one-glass-giggly kind of girl, but Friday I was in a foul mood unimproved by booze. I kept up with my drinking buddy, only he was drinking beer and I was downing gin.
By 11:30, when the ranch rodeo at Spring Creek got over and that crowd joined us at Stockmen’s, I had a pounding headache. I was the angry-looking person sitting along the back wall, glaring at the band. Everyone else was tuned up and feeling good, and I was slightly hungover.
I just can’t handle my liquor. My dad says it’s genetic; he used to always throw up after a night of drinking. I’m rarely the drunkest one at the party, but I’m almost always the most hungover. I mean, throwing up water, violently shaking hungover. Not attractive.
I knew going into my five o’clock Friday that no good would come of overserving myself. Since I drank two Mexican coffees and one Irish coffee (it was like multicultural night in Elko) I laid in bed an hour after I hit the sheets, further exhausting myself for Bible study the next morning. Good decision, only not so much you’d notice.
One thing jumped out and grabbed me by the jugular at Bible study: Ronda quoted Dan Romans (I think) and said “Some things just don’t really matter.” Meaning, we put too much thought into and emphasis on some decisions, happenings, etc. that are kind of a wash in the grander scheme of things.
What a relief! I DON’T have to be Supewoman, Best Sub Ever, Most Likely To Brighten Everyone’s Day Simply By Appearing In It, or Writer Of The Year No Make That Century.
It’s ok to have a bad day, week, whatever. I can obsess over making sure God specifically told me to work there, date him, don’t date him, never ever have a sip of alcohol, write that story, buy that pickup, move to that state, go to that rodeo, order my steak medium rare, or wear jeans instead of khakis.
It doesn’t really matter!
Since God’s in control anyway, it’s impossible for me to mess up my life. He knew what I was going to do before I did it.
This raises the question of what, then, is the point of life? What does it mean to be human?
I will definitely give this some thought. But, in the short run, it sure is nice to not be inordinately angry at the world anymore. Whew! No more binge drinking. No girl looks pretty with a pickled liver.