Believe it or not, I have found more things to add to this list since its original posting. Confusion: It’s not a trend. It’s a lifestyle.
Adrian, put down your coffee before you read this. We don’t want you to spill/spit all over your computer, clean clothes, kitchen table, Liz’s textbooks, or Liz.
More Things I Get Confused:
Capital punishment and affirmative action. I can’t say for sure why I get these two mixed up. I only know I was rather alarmed a few years ago when I read about legislators pushing for increasing affirmative action in the workplace.
Tim Allen and Tim Robbins. One is married to Susan Sarandon, one is hysterically funny. Both are hysterically funny? I’m pretty sure only one is married to Susan Sarandon….
The 700 Club and the Mile High Club. I googled the 700 Club today, and now I feel like I need to go to confession and say a few dozen Hail Marys.
FX and FOX. One is a Republican news channel, the other is….a movie channel? Reruns from the ’70s? 24/7 Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Horns and antlers. Which one does an elk have? An antelope? A whitetail? A moose? A bighorn sheep? A plain ol’ blacktail buck? If I never know the answer, does it really matter?
Jim Carey and Jim Young. Just kidding! I totally know that I’m dating Jim Carey.
Every male country singer since 2003. Except Josh Turner, because he is an upstanding citizen who writes and sings about faith, family, and good old-fashioned clean fun. Actually, it’s mainly because he’s hotter than a grease fire on a propane stove.
Jimmy Buffet and Warren Buffet. You can imagine my surprise when I read an entire article about Warren Buffet and thought My goodness, the man is a financial and wealth-building genius, but they completely left out his stellar music career! What talent! What diversity! What am I thinking! This is WARREN not JIMMY!
Body lotion and body wash. This only happened once, but it made for a very confusing swimming experience. Our supposed “body lotion” (I accidentally dragged my best friend into the confusion) began foaming up when exposed to the ocean water during a beachfront vacation. This was the same day we picked teams for a family-and-friends football game on the sand, and they counted me and Casey as one person.
Abraham and Abram. Oh, no wait – they were the same person.
Graduating “cum laude” and graduating regularly. I graduated in Chico State’s class of 2008 cum laude with a Bachelor of Science in AgBusiness, but I don’t know what exactly it means. Should I say “I graduated cum laude from Chico State”? Or, “I graduated with a cum laude degree”? Or, “I graduated from Chico State with a degree in AgBusiness, cum laude”? I don’t even know where to put it in a sentence!
I get irritated with myself sometimes for being so confused so much of the time. But at least I’m dating a movie star.