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More Things I Get Confused

Believe it or not, I have found more things to add to this list since its original posting.  Confusion: It’s not a trend.  It’s a lifestyle.

Adrian, put down your coffee before you read this.  We don’t want you to spill/spit all over your computer, clean clothes, kitchen table, Liz’s textbooks, or Liz.

More Things I Get Confused:

Capital punishment and affirmative action.  I can’t say for sure why I get these two mixed up.  I only know I was rather alarmed a few years ago when I read about legislators pushing for increasing affirmative action in the workplace. 

Tim Allen and Tim Robbins.  One is married to Susan Sarandon, one is hysterically funny.  Both are hysterically funny?  I’m pretty sure only one is married to Susan Sarandon….

The 700 Club and the Mile High Club.  I googled the 700 Club today, and now I feel like I need to go to confession and say a few dozen Hail Marys.

FX and FOX.  One is a Republican news channel, the other is….a movie channel?  Reruns from the ’70s?  24/7 Buffy the Vampire Slayer? 

Horns and antlers.  Which one does an elk have?  An antelope?  A whitetail?  A moose?  A bighorn sheep?  A plain ol’ blacktail buck?  If I never know the answer, does it really matter? 

Jim Carey and Jim Young.  Just kidding!  I totally know that I’m dating Jim Carey.

Every male country singer since 2003.  Except Josh Turner, because he is an upstanding citizen who writes and sings about faith, family, and good old-fashioned clean fun.  Actually, it’s mainly because he’s hotter than a grease fire on a propane stove.

Jimmy Buffet and Warren Buffet.  You can imagine my surprise when I read an entire article about Warren Buffet and thought My goodness, the man is a financial and wealth-building genius, but they completely left out his stellar music career!  What talent!  What diversity!  What am I thinking!  This is WARREN not JIMMY!

Body lotion and body wash.  This only happened once, but it made for a very confusing swimming experience.  Our supposed “body lotion” (I accidentally dragged my best friend into the confusion) began foaming up when exposed to the ocean water during a beachfront vacation.  This was the same day we picked teams for a family-and-friends football game on the sand, and they counted me and Casey as one person.

Abraham and Abram.  Oh, no wait – they were the same person.

Graduating “cum laude” and graduating regularly.  I graduated in Chico State’s class of 2008 cum laude with a Bachelor of Science in AgBusiness, but I don’t know what exactly it means.  Should I say “I graduated cum laude from Chico State”?  Or, “I graduated with a cum laude degree”?  Or, “I graduated from Chico State with a degree in AgBusiness, cum laude”?  I don’t even know where to put it in a sentence! 

I get irritated with myself sometimes for being so confused so much of the time.  But at least I’m dating a movie star.

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Things That I Get Confused

I have been living as an independent, pay-my-own-bills, buy-my-own-groceries, do-my-own-laundry, call-home-and-cry-once-a-week kind of person since I was 17.  I moved to Texas by myself at age 21, I start my own colts, change flat tires and and wrestle wild steers into submission on ridge tops with no assistance (except my rope, my horse, Tilly, Tilly’s rope, Tilly’s horse, and Tilly’s expert advice and encouragement).  Despite these practical accomplishments, not to mention my 3.8 collegiate GPA and graduating cum laude, I’ve heard a rumor that I’m an airhead.  I don’t get it.

Things That I Get Confused:

The movie titles The Ringer and The Rounders When someone quotes a line from one, I’m liable to attribute it to the other and laugh in a confused manner.

Jokes that are: told while I’m drinking/standing too far from the joke teller/dirty/about chipmunks.  This will not prevent me from laughing enthusiastically; only the vacant look in my eyes will tell you I have no idea what’s going on.

Rachel Bilson and Rachel McAdams.  Surely I’m not the only one!

The accelerator and the brake pedal.  It’s a terrible feeling to drive down the street in town, go to pick up speed, press a pedal, and slowly lurch to a near-stop.  I always think Oh, bleep!  My pickup’s broken!  My pickup’s broken!  I’m going to have to take it to the shop and spend hundreds of dollars that I don’t have to get it repaired, because I depend upon it for transportation to my job, which I need to pay rent and buy groceries!  Oh, bleep!  Equally intense is the relief that I merely stepped on the wrong pedal.  That almost makes up for the embarrassment.

The time I’m supposed to be at work and the time I’m supposed to leave for work.  I always forget to calculate for town traffic, stop lights, distance from my house, running back to the house from my pickup because I forgot my sunglasses, parking my pickup and walking to the school office, running back to my pickup because I forgot my whistle, etc.  I seriously need to give myself 30 minutes to get upstairs from my basement room each morning. 

South.  I have a pretty good handle on east, as I am up and going every morning before the sun.  If I physically observe the sun arising from a horizon, I immediately peg that direction as east for the remainder of the day.  After about 4 o’clock PM, west is pretty easy to detect, and north is toward Owyhee, so actually I should be able to derive south using the process of elimination.  Ah ha! 

Ty VN quote: “Jolyn’s always confused, so that doesn’t count.”  He may have a valid point.  I’m not sure what it is, but I really think the man has a valid point.

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